Koh Samui, Thailand Sunday, MAy 27th, 2007
Today has been a very strange day. I got up to practice after having a day off. I also had not really eaten much yesterday. I was tired very early in the practice. I was just dragging and my form was really bad. THEN something great happened. During the vinyasa series that one does throughout the practice I actually did the jump through. OK, more explanation is probably needed.
The vinyasa series it a series of 7 movements that you do between asanas (poses). One of the movements in that series is when you are in downward facing dog you exhale bend your knees you are supposed to swing your whole body and legs through your arms which are planted on the ground. It is very difficult and usually most people's feet and legs get stuck just as your feet are underneath your torso. Today, however, i actually did the jump through and my feet did not get stuck. I was able to actually get them through my arms to shoot out in front of me. This is a huge accomplishment. I thought I would never be able to do it. :)
So that actually re-energized me and I was able to finish the practice with confidence and zeal. It is so funny how your mind really plays tricks with you and if you let it it can bring you really far down. Anyway, I am happy and can't wait to practice again and try to get that to be a normal part of my practice.
Then we had breakfast and I relaxed a bit. I have just been really antsy today. I can't seem to keep still nor can I still my mind and get anything accomplished. Every time I sit down to read, I just can't. I am anxious about something. I just don't know what. I hope that doesn't mean something is brewing inside.
I went to the beach to swim and burn off some of this nervous energy but I still feel so antsy. Don't know.
Many of the people who were here last week left because the retreat was over. Now there are some new people here and the cycle starts over again. I am making an effort to really listen to people. Even though it is a challenge because I like to talk too. One of the main reasons I am trying to do this is because there is a girl here who talks incessantly. Never lets anyone get a word in edgewise. I find it really irritating. The reason, probably, because I have some very similar traits. I just hope that I am not that bad. Not that my or her stories are uninteresting it is just sometimes I want to hear what others have to say. It is a struggle but this is the perfect time to work on those things in myself because my life has been so totally altered.
I bid you all peace in all that you do and hope that you find joy in the little things we take for granted.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
fiddling with some pictures
Here is a picture of the shala that we practice in every day. It overlooks the sea. So wonderful.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thailand, Day 7. May 26th, 2007
Where is everyone? I feel lonely today. This week has been great though. At the beginning of the week I was so sore. My whole body was feeling the pain of doing a million yoga push ups, one after another. Thursday, I just pooped out in practice. I got to a certain point and was just unable to go on. Then on friday it was like I was a totally new person. It was great. I had the best practice yet all of my soreness has subsided and i feel strong. I was able to do many of the things that the practitioners had been saying all week to do to help your practice.
I was able to get deeper into my stretches and felt really good. My breathing is getting better and I am now taking a few less breathers in between poses. I feel good about the yoga. I wish I could stay here indefinitely. I might come back at the end of the year. I want to improve my current practice a lot and it will take time before my hips are open enough to move on from what I am doing so far.
Let me explain a little about the Mysore style of Ashtanga. The main difference of this style of Yoga to other styles is the focus on vinyasa, literally the intelligent putting together of things but taken in this style of asana practice as a variant of suryanamaskara practiced between asana. The practice is a defined set of postures always done in the same order, which are combined with specific breathing patterns (ujjayi breathing). The purpose of vinyasa is to create heat in the body, which leads to purification of the body through increased circulation and sweating. It also improves flexibility, which allows the student to practice advanced asanas with reduced risk of injury (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashtanga_Vinyasa_Yoga).
And heat it does add! Wow, I sweat buckets. I feel so much better for it too. I know in the morning sometimes i just don't want to practice but by the time I get the first 5 sun salutations done I am raring to go. It is a difficult work out but I like it because it is in a pattern so I can do it by myself when I leave here eventually.
Another thing that happened this week was that I quit my job. I will not be returning again. It was prompted by some drama but I am not going to get into the details here. It just isn't worth it. I feel great about it and I am happy that I am done. free and clear from that job. I am now trying to figure out how I can stay here for the long term. I do have to leave at the end of June as I have a trip in Europe planned. But I might come back towards the end of the year. I will have to change it up a little bit and find a cheaper place to live as living here is not sustainable long term here. That is unfortunate as it is a great place, the people are kind and considerate and the food is simply fantastic. So healthy and it really tastes good. I was worried the first day but the Thai people just know how to cook. It is all totally vegetarian and totally delicious. I just love it. I probably eat too much of it.
Goals for the week: Do Yoga (that one is easy) but use the techniques they have taught more efficiently; Don't worry about the other students' pace, worry only about how well I am doing each pose; Try to perfect at least 2 poses this week; and try to do the transition between chadarangadadasana and upward dog properly, i.e. not letting my pelvis touch the ground in the transition. That might take more than a week but I am going to make a concerted effort; be happy that I am in a fantastic place with great people who, yes are yoga geeks, but it is nice to have.
I truly wish everyone could come here and experience this with me. Although, it would probably be totally different for me if I was not here alone. I do invite everyone here, with or with out me. It is great for both beginners and experts as the teachers are amazingly patient and helpful. Especially with me because I have a terrible memory and always forget where I am in the practice and have to ask over and over again.
I was able to get deeper into my stretches and felt really good. My breathing is getting better and I am now taking a few less breathers in between poses. I feel good about the yoga. I wish I could stay here indefinitely. I might come back at the end of the year. I want to improve my current practice a lot and it will take time before my hips are open enough to move on from what I am doing so far.
Let me explain a little about the Mysore style of Ashtanga. The main difference of this style of Yoga to other styles is the focus on vinyasa, literally the intelligent putting together of things but taken in this style of asana practice as a variant of suryanamaskara practiced between asana. The practice is a defined set of postures always done in the same order, which are combined with specific breathing patterns (ujjayi breathing). The purpose of vinyasa is to create heat in the body, which leads to purification of the body through increased circulation and sweating. It also improves flexibility, which allows the student to practice advanced asanas with reduced risk of injury (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashtanga_Vinyasa_Yoga).
And heat it does add! Wow, I sweat buckets. I feel so much better for it too. I know in the morning sometimes i just don't want to practice but by the time I get the first 5 sun salutations done I am raring to go. It is a difficult work out but I like it because it is in a pattern so I can do it by myself when I leave here eventually.
Another thing that happened this week was that I quit my job. I will not be returning again. It was prompted by some drama but I am not going to get into the details here. It just isn't worth it. I feel great about it and I am happy that I am done. free and clear from that job. I am now trying to figure out how I can stay here for the long term. I do have to leave at the end of June as I have a trip in Europe planned. But I might come back towards the end of the year. I will have to change it up a little bit and find a cheaper place to live as living here is not sustainable long term here. That is unfortunate as it is a great place, the people are kind and considerate and the food is simply fantastic. So healthy and it really tastes good. I was worried the first day but the Thai people just know how to cook. It is all totally vegetarian and totally delicious. I just love it. I probably eat too much of it.
Goals for the week: Do Yoga (that one is easy) but use the techniques they have taught more efficiently; Don't worry about the other students' pace, worry only about how well I am doing each pose; Try to perfect at least 2 poses this week; and try to do the transition between chadarangadadasana and upward dog properly, i.e. not letting my pelvis touch the ground in the transition. That might take more than a week but I am going to make a concerted effort; be happy that I am in a fantastic place with great people who, yes are yoga geeks, but it is nice to have.
I truly wish everyone could come here and experience this with me. Although, it would probably be totally different for me if I was not here alone. I do invite everyone here, with or with out me. It is great for both beginners and experts as the teachers are amazingly patient and helpful. Especially with me because I have a terrible memory and always forget where I am in the practice and have to ask over and over again.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Thailand, day 4. May 22nd, 2007
Today was much of the same. I got a bit emotional during the breath work which made breathing kind of difficult, especially because my nose was all stuffed up. I am also terribly sore. My arms are killing me right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. The hundred Chadaranga (yoga push-ups) are killing me. It is a good sore though. It will all be worth it in a few weeks when i am rock solid. OK, maybe months.
I totally recommend this place. It is Yoga Thailand, you can google it. The teachers are great all really caring and helpful. The food is actually fantastic. i have not been left wanting for anything. Even though there are limitations the food is still excellent. It is not totally vegetarian though. They still use fish sauce and there was an entrée yesterday that had some fish in it. Otherwise, all vegetarian. I want to get a cook book from them because these dishes are fantastic. I could easily become vegetarian if the food all tasted like this.
the mosquitoes are a pain in the bootie. My skin does not like the deet but there is no avoiding using it. I hate the bites too. Luckily there is no Malaria in this area, but I think there is Dengue fever. I will use the deet. Yuck.
Wishes for tomorrow: for my muscles become less sore so I can do the full practice tomorrow, my boss write me an email saying that she has found another teacher for the 2 weeks I had agreed to teach in July so I don't have to go. Don't let the little things get me so upset. It is better now but still I should look more towards the positive not the negative. Even when stupid people are involved.
I totally recommend this place. It is Yoga Thailand, you can google it. The teachers are great all really caring and helpful. The food is actually fantastic. i have not been left wanting for anything. Even though there are limitations the food is still excellent. It is not totally vegetarian though. They still use fish sauce and there was an entrée yesterday that had some fish in it. Otherwise, all vegetarian. I want to get a cook book from them because these dishes are fantastic. I could easily become vegetarian if the food all tasted like this.
the mosquitoes are a pain in the bootie. My skin does not like the deet but there is no avoiding using it. I hate the bites too. Luckily there is no Malaria in this area, but I think there is Dengue fever. I will use the deet. Yuck.
Wishes for tomorrow: for my muscles become less sore so I can do the full practice tomorrow, my boss write me an email saying that she has found another teacher for the 2 weeks I had agreed to teach in July so I don't have to go. Don't let the little things get me so upset. It is better now but still I should look more towards the positive not the negative. Even when stupid people are involved.
Thailand, Day 3. May 21st, 2007
Thailand, Day 3. May 21st, 2007
It is day 2 of the yoga retreat. Yesterday was great. A full morning practice, starting with an hour of breathing then a one and a half hour practice. I pooped out early though, i think, because of the heat and the sheer amount of sweat that was coming off my body. That is ok though. Then we had a lovely lunch and an afternoon stretch which was more like a Hatha class anyway. Whew. Then we all had a nice leisurely dinner. It is one of the girl's birthday so we had a cake and sang happy birthday to her.
It was a peaceful day and a good start to the week.
It is day 2 of the yoga retreat. Yesterday was great. A full morning practice, starting with an hour of breathing then a one and a half hour practice. I pooped out early though, i think, because of the heat and the sheer amount of sweat that was coming off my body. That is ok though. Then we had a lovely lunch and an afternoon stretch which was more like a Hatha class anyway. Whew. Then we all had a nice leisurely dinner. It is one of the girl's birthday so we had a cake and sang happy birthday to her.
It was a peaceful day and a good start to the week.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Thailand, Koh Samui, day one May 19th, 2007
After a really long night traveling from Beijing, China to Koh Samui, Thailand I finally arrived at Yoga Thailand this morning at 7:00AM. There are only really late night flights to Thailand from Beijing so so I had no choice but to take the 9:00PM flight to Bangkok. We arrived in Bangkok at 1:30 Bangkok time. it was only a 4 hour flight and I slept pretty much the whole way. Then I arrived in bangkok and had to wait until 6:00 AM for my next flight which would take me to the island. I didn't really mind the wait and figured I would stay in the airport seeing as though I only had a couple of hours to wait. That would have been ok, I could have curled up on some bench and taken a nap. Unfortunately the airport was a total iceberg. It was totally freezing. The temperature outside was a nice 25 degrees but inside they had the AC cranked. I pulled out everything I had in my bag to put on so I could try to get a little nap before the check in counter opened at 4:00AM. To no avail, I just could not fall asleep. Plus the chairs were metal and they too were freezing cold. I finally boarded the plane and was able to thaw out a bit. thank goodness.
So it was a short one hour flight to Koh Samui, a small island off of the Southwest coast of Thailand. The Koh Samui Airport is simply awesome. It is a thatched roof, that is it, no walls, no insane safety line, just the beautiful Thai mountains in the distance and beautiful scenery to look at. Everything is so green. It is so nice to be here it is peaceful and breathtaking
There was one other fellow who was picked up at the same time as me. He came on the same flight from Beijing too. He works for the Australian Embassy in BJ. So we were both rather dizzy with fatigue. My eyes are so red right now.
After only a short drive we arrived at the "hotel". A young Thai girl explained to me about how things work. Everything here is included in the price. It is a yoga retreat so we are going to be eating a yogic diet. I think this is great but I will have to venture out and get some good spicy food in a week I am sure. It is easier to explain what isn't in the cooking then what is. No meat, at all; no garlic, as it supposedly interferes with your concentration; no onions, not sure why; no hot spices, this will be difficult for me because i love spices. So basically brown rice and vegetables. I am not really worried as the breakfast was awesome this morning. Everything tastes so good. Maybe because I am in this paradise. No smoking or drinking on the premises too but there is a bar up the road. However I have never really needed booze. I had a few drinks with Don, one of my coworkers, on Thursday and it was no biggie and actually made me feel yucky the next morning.
We live in these little bungalows. Simple rooms, clean, no TV. We eat outside and do yoga in a huge-ish room. Although I have not done yoga yet. I saw some doing it this morning. I arrived too late to partake.
I ate breakfast with a few others and then a few of us sat around chatting. It was a nice morning. I then went back to the room to take a nap the lack of sleep was finally catching up with me. I slept almost 3 hours and feel a little groggy now but we are all to meet together for the introductory pow-wow in an hour or so.
Hopefully this time in Thailand will help me clear out my internal closets. I need to move on and cleanse. A few of the other girls that I have met seem really great with happy spirits. I am sure this will lend to the cleansing atmosphere that just envelopes one here. Goals this week: be happy, enjoy this amazing place and the joy that yoga brings into my life. Eat healthy! Keep to the diet, it will only help my state of mind; Don't feel guilty about my emotions, they are natural and it is good to feel them. Start to look to the future, stop living in the past and try to leave him behind; Look to the future and what it has in store for me, embrace it and don't be afraid of being alone. This will enable me to make better decisions for me and not for other people. Start doing what is best for ME, no one else. Bring joy back into my spirit.
So it was a short one hour flight to Koh Samui, a small island off of the Southwest coast of Thailand. The Koh Samui Airport is simply awesome. It is a thatched roof, that is it, no walls, no insane safety line, just the beautiful Thai mountains in the distance and beautiful scenery to look at. Everything is so green. It is so nice to be here it is peaceful and breathtaking
There was one other fellow who was picked up at the same time as me. He came on the same flight from Beijing too. He works for the Australian Embassy in BJ. So we were both rather dizzy with fatigue. My eyes are so red right now.
After only a short drive we arrived at the "hotel". A young Thai girl explained to me about how things work. Everything here is included in the price. It is a yoga retreat so we are going to be eating a yogic diet. I think this is great but I will have to venture out and get some good spicy food in a week I am sure. It is easier to explain what isn't in the cooking then what is. No meat, at all; no garlic, as it supposedly interferes with your concentration; no onions, not sure why; no hot spices, this will be difficult for me because i love spices. So basically brown rice and vegetables. I am not really worried as the breakfast was awesome this morning. Everything tastes so good. Maybe because I am in this paradise. No smoking or drinking on the premises too but there is a bar up the road. However I have never really needed booze. I had a few drinks with Don, one of my coworkers, on Thursday and it was no biggie and actually made me feel yucky the next morning.
We live in these little bungalows. Simple rooms, clean, no TV. We eat outside and do yoga in a huge-ish room. Although I have not done yoga yet. I saw some doing it this morning. I arrived too late to partake.
I ate breakfast with a few others and then a few of us sat around chatting. It was a nice morning. I then went back to the room to take a nap the lack of sleep was finally catching up with me. I slept almost 3 hours and feel a little groggy now but we are all to meet together for the introductory pow-wow in an hour or so.
Hopefully this time in Thailand will help me clear out my internal closets. I need to move on and cleanse. A few of the other girls that I have met seem really great with happy spirits. I am sure this will lend to the cleansing atmosphere that just envelopes one here. Goals this week: be happy, enjoy this amazing place and the joy that yoga brings into my life. Eat healthy! Keep to the diet, it will only help my state of mind; Don't feel guilty about my emotions, they are natural and it is good to feel them. Start to look to the future, stop living in the past and try to leave him behind; Look to the future and what it has in store for me, embrace it and don't be afraid of being alone. This will enable me to make better decisions for me and not for other people. Start doing what is best for ME, no one else. Bring joy back into my spirit.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Massive Attack
As I was walking on the helideck, listening to my ipod shuffling through a few of my favorite songs at lunch today I discovered something quite distressing. The album that has brought me a lot of joy over the past 7 years now only brings me abject sorrow. I love Massive Attack's Mezzanine, well, loved. It was the album Marc and I listened to over and over again when we first stayed at the Green Street apartment in San Francisco. It is truly a wonderful album. The music is powerful and really mesmerizing. I have always connected certain songs with periods of my life and this album makes me remember when Marc and I were first together. Now I can't believe it is all over and whenever I listen to those songs, even the first few bars of music start to play they make me so sad.
It is ruined for me. I will never be able to listen to this album that I loved so much at one time again without feeling such powerful grief. This truly saddens me.
At least no one can ever destroy Depeche Mode for me. I can always turn back to them for solace.
I guess I still just don't understand how cruel people can be to others. I will never understand that. I know I will recover from this one day. I hope that day comes soon but it feels like it will take an eternity to understand and accept this betrayal.
It is ruined for me. I will never be able to listen to this album that I loved so much at one time again without feeling such powerful grief. This truly saddens me.
At least no one can ever destroy Depeche Mode for me. I can always turn back to them for solace.
I guess I still just don't understand how cruel people can be to others. I will never understand that. I know I will recover from this one day. I hope that day comes soon but it feels like it will take an eternity to understand and accept this betrayal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
