As I was walking on the helideck, listening to my ipod shuffling through a few of my favorite songs at lunch today I discovered something quite distressing. The album that has brought me a lot of joy over the past 7 years now only brings me abject sorrow. I love Massive Attack's Mezzanine, well, loved. It was the album Marc and I listened to over and over again when we first stayed at the Green Street apartment in San Francisco. It is truly a wonderful album. The music is powerful and really mesmerizing. I have always connected certain songs with periods of my life and this album makes me remember when Marc and I were first together. Now I can't believe it is all over and whenever I listen to those songs, even the first few bars of music start to play they make me so sad.
It is ruined for me. I will never be able to listen to this album that I loved so much at one time again without feeling such powerful grief. This truly saddens me.
At least no one can ever destroy Depeche Mode for me. I can always turn back to them for solace.
I guess I still just don't understand how cruel people can be to others. I will never understand that. I know I will recover from this one day. I hope that day comes soon but it feels like it will take an eternity to understand and accept this betrayal.
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samantha
Current book
- The Ramayana
Favorite Sites
Where am I now?
- Samantha Fiona Lucas
- Jersey City, New Jersey, United States
- In Mysore, India again practicing at AYRI. I am here until April 8th 2010.
A new place for me on the web!
2 comments:
Cows...we're remarkable cows and where we go...it's quite a show cause you know we are cows...that's right we're cows!
Can you hear it? Smile! Cassy and I love you and when the belly button song comes on she always tell me you love that song! Sing it! Replace it with any and all songs that remind you of that pathetic, small, terrible excuse for a human being!
Give it time. I used to feel that way about a Natalie Merchant song... it's been many years now; I'm still reminded of her, but now it's just an odd mix of sadness over what might have been and pleasant memories of what was...
As for not understanding - I've known a couple of women whose husbands were abusers, and they asked an equivalent question, how a man could hit his wife. I was talking about it with a friend of mine, and he said "I don't want to be the sort of person who could understand." He's right.
Understanding has never been a requirement for acceptance. Accepting that, however, does require a certain amount of understanding. :)
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