starting to tie things up

Well the days in Mysore are dwindling and I am starting the task of trying to figure out how to get all of my stuff home. Yikes, I swear the problem with being in a place for 3 months is that you accumulate so much stuff. Especially since things are so much cheaper here. I think my solution to the dilemma is to just leave a trunk in storage here. It is the only way. Plus I do intend to come back rather regularly as I feel I do grow so much here.

It is a funny thing actually. You don't get adjusted much, nor pushed, only subtly but my practice has grown so much. Maybe it is knowing that Sherath has eyes in the back of his head and doesn't miss much. Maybe it is just me trying to respect the practice and work as hard as so many others do here. Maybe it is just the energy in the shala. Whatever it is, I simply love it and I will miss it terribly. I am now doing all of primary except 'satan bhandasana', what I call setu bhandasana. I am still totally frightened of that pose, have never even attempted it. Look it up for those of you that are not yogis. Scary bending of the neck. Anyway, I am happy at the progress I have made. I got one leg behind my head the other day and my back bends are getting there. More importantly then anything else is that I feel emotionally strong.

I still am sensitive, I think it is something that I have just fought for so long but now I am just going to be with it. I get my feelings hurt easily and let small things bother me too much sometimes and I need to stand up for myself more. All things to work on in the future. It is OK to be sensitive, to have feelings! The thing we always do and are taught is to control our feelings, not show too much emotion, hide what we truly feel, take the brunt of whatever it is. I think if we were better at expressing our emotions in a positive way rather then in a very passive aggressive way (like I do all the time) we would be so much more healthy and emotionally strong. It is a battle I face. Telling people what I really think instead of just bitching about it later. Worst of all, to someone else. I have to stop doing that.

Solutions???? maybe, love yourself, be good to yourself then and only then can you do the same for others. !!!!!

Goodnight, I have to sleep.